as if...

I fear that the more we get to see each other, the more reasons there will be for you to realize that I'm a mere CRAP.
I fear that the next time we do "see" each other again, I'd run out of things to say and then all over again, it would seem like I'm the one who's ignoring you.
I fear that this "friendship" would slowly end in oblivion and then the once wacky conversations that we had would end up in awkward bullness.

I want to be with you but I'm just too afraid to even say yes.

I fear a lot of things, one of which is the fear of crying like shit all over again.
The fear of being said the most hurtful and the most hopeful things at the same time.
Of being left with pitiable shittyness the moment you lose all hope.
The fear that the feeling of being in love would swallow me whole and envelop me like some semi-permeable membrane, allowing the passage of one and only one type of substance: YOU.

Daydreaming.
Ranting.
Waiting...

That's all I could ever do.
Blame me all you want, but it still won't change the fact that we can't be together, at least not in a zillion years.
There's nothing left to do, really.
But recount our never-ending love chase, pretend to still be in it, as if it were a love story that actually existed...