Bato na tak heart.

I feel like I’ll be one of those people who’d always end up wanting what they could never have. And it has nothing to do with having some sort of standard or tendency to fall for the same type of guy. Somehow it just f**king happens. It’s like when it’s there, you have no power over it and you just allow yourself to feel the pain over and over.

And I’m not even sure if I like the feeling at all, or if I just like the feeling I have when I’m able to write about it. I feel like Taylor Swift right now. (lol)

I know, though, that I’m not the only person who has been through the same mistake and never learned from it. And in this case, I tried going with the flow and acting vulnerable, for a change. But that’s the thing. It was all just an act. None of it was f**king real.

I wonder if, of all the things he said, he meant at least one of them. I mean, how could someone do that? People like him don’t deserve anything positive in their lives, including an emotional connection with anyone. I know it’s bitter and I know that we should see the best in people, but what the hell. He deserves whatever heartache he’s having right now. And I hope it lasts long.

Now moving on from the bitterness, I actually feel relieved. It’s like I see things clearly now and the things that mattered most to me before any of this had ever happened are of utmost importance to me now. Guess I really am happier when I’m alone. No unnecessary distractions. No need to think of somebody else’s feelings and all that shit. Not having to care is probably the best feeling ever. And I’m glad I got it back before anything shittier than this could happen. Ika nga sa lyrics nung isang kanta: “I feel so free… It’s like a fantasy.” (lol)

Whatever the reason for this is, thank you na rin. As for me, bato na tak heart. I don’t think I can feel anything for anyone else anytime soon. But as always, time heals all wounds. And this, for lack of better words, is just some f**king superficial wound.

Cheers to a restart! ;)

Never again

Eto na siguro yung moment na sasabihin ko sa sarili ko na "Tama na." Like for real.

I cannot live like this anymore. Where my outlook in life depends on whether or not he has time, and where I'm defending him to everyone, as if I have some sort of responsibility to do so. It's crap and I know it, but I chose to ignore it. So again, TAMA NA.

He doesn't like you. He only likes the attention he gets from you. And you know deep in your heart that that is not what you want. You deserve better. You can do better.

But thank you for inspiring me. It was the only thing you did right. Maybe that was your purpose.

I'm not going back to overthinking and overanalyzing. Because no matter how smart I think I am, this is one of those things that I am incapable of comprehending, maybe ever. At tanggap ko na yun. 

Something is clearly wrong with me, and I know how to deal with it, but I choose to be stupid every f**king time. Then again, I can't be chasing things that aren't meant for me. Life is short. Fight for the things you love, but only if they're worth fighting for. 

#charot