i hate you... =)

Okay, so let's scratch that last post. I didn't exactly mean all of it; some of it were really CRAP, especially that last part where I said I HATE YOU. I mean, I hate you all right, but I don't really hate you hate you, "you know?" :D
In fact, having been graced by your presence today, I realized that you weren't so bad, you were just a bit cocky on our first "personal encounter."
For someone who has managed to irk me to the core, you really have your way with retaliating.

So you weren't so nice and submissive; in fact, you were even more annoying and more sarcastic and more overbearing than ever. Grr!
But still, as I was saying, you got your way with it.

So we weren't BFF's and we rarely agreed on anything.
But still, at the end of the day, we had agreed to one bit of detail: that we were both GREAT at what we were doing. Hahahaha. xD

We didn't exactly jive, so to speak. We were even throwing nasty remarks every now and then as if to say our mere collaboration has become such a nuisance that we couldn't wait for this stupid project to be over so we could get on with our lives as if this "togetherness" had never happened.
You went on and on annoying me with such lame questions as if to challenge my apprehension on the subject matter. And I replied ever-so-matter-of-factly just so I could annoy you that much that you had to stop. Hah!
But then again, after every argument comes the sincerest desire to know something other than the subject matter. Something as lame perhaps as details on our personal lives.
But still, WE ARE NOT FRIENDS, okay?

So. I could not help but notice those flabby fats ever-so-evident on that integument of yours, plus that nauseating smoke-ish breath as usual. And you couldn't help but be annoyed by that irksome smile on my face that seems to come off reflexively each time you utter some seriously impressive fact that I had failed to remember.

And so we talked and talked until both of us understood the why's and wherefore's of our strange manners and mannerisms. And miraculously, we shared one peaceful moment. For a friggin while, that is.

Yet now I have one bit of confession to make.
When we were blurting out the worst forms of verbal abuse against each other, I seriously felt HAPPY!
Maybe we're both just schizos.
Or maybe because I felt that YOU & I could actually be really good friends, so long as we engage in these arguments for the rest of our lives.
Half the time I was impressed that you took the time to read on the topic. That was really very unusual of you. (Makes me want to think that you made me want to think that you were smart or something. Hah, nice try, doofus! ;p)

And now I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I actually think you're cool. In a PRICKLY, LOATHSOME, and EVIL sort of way. BLEH! ;p

I hate you.And yet... =)

GAGO!

^_^

Halos mawalan na yata ako ng mata sa kakatawa.
Ikaw kasi. GAGO ka!

Bakit mo'ko sinamahan sa lahat ng places na dapat kong puntahan without a friggin hint na man lang of notice that ONLY YOU were coming with me?
GAGO.

Bakit pag may nakakita sa'tin na magkasama at nagtanong kung sino ako, sinasagot mo casually and ever-so-pahalically ng: "UYAB KO"... :D

At bakit pag tinatanong ka kung sa'n tayo papunta, sinasagot mo ulit with that sarcastic tone of yours: "Magde-date gad. Obvious ba?"
Hahahaha... GAGO.

And why am I even making such a friggin big deal out of this?
Ugh! GAGO ka.

You don't have a friggin idea how long I've longed to be held on my hair, on my shoulder, on my back, and... ON MY HAND.
By YOU...

How I longed to be stuck with you for even just a minute.
And now that it's finally happening, it feels so friggin surreal. :(

Hindi ko na ma-take ang mga pangyayari...

Hindi ko ma-take because I feel like I'm having a friggin good time with you.
And I seem to be wishing that this doesn't end.
And yet...

I feel like this isn't right. 

I swear, I won't give in to any of this.
I LIKE YOU and all. But only as a friend.
Dahil GAGO ka.
At ayaw na kitang makasama.
GAGO!

T_T

binabawi ko na yun... pramis! T_T

If it gives you any consolation, I want you to know that I already am beginning to loathe this feeling.
Of being caught in the aftermath of conscientiously hurting somebody.
Especially if that somebody was the last person on earth whose feelings I'd want to hurt at this very moment! T_T

If I could only tell you that it's YOU...

Haaay... HERE I GO AGAIN.
Pretending to think he's just a waste of time when in fact, these last few days, he's already been "the voice inside my head."
Pretending to be annoyed by his super-corny KSP jokes when all the while, all I ever wanted was for him to notice me.
Pretending to ignore those sweet gestures and frowning at the onset of our "loveteam moments" when truth is, I shiver at the thought of us being a real "US" in the near future. :D (ASA!)
And once again, distancing myself for fear of the many probable things the two of us could end up with, when it's really him whom I daydream about when I see chubby flabby guys on the street who, in one way or another, look like him.

I rewind every little thing you do for me, and for the nth time, HYPOTHESIZE.

You sing my fave mushy tunes in the most unexpected moments. (And to think you had no way of knowing I liked them!)
You help me out when my terror teacher tries to bully me.
You're always the first to know when something's wrong with me.
You fetch me my spoon and fork when you see that I still have none. (*sigh* ^^,)
You make sure that I'm "well ventilated." :D
And... You even had the guts to teach me the meaning of the word "CONCISE"! (Aba'y akalain mo yun! =D)

I rarely feel like this towards anyone, but I'm already beginning to think that you're my HERO. ^_^
Mabait ka lang ba talaga, o nagbabait-baitan ka lang? :p

You talk to me when I'm alone.
You tell me you miss me at least once a day. :D
And cheesiest of all, you call me by the corniest term of endearment I could possibly imagine: BABE. (^^,)
Hahahaha!! Sa dinami-dami ng pwedeng maka-labtim, ako pa ang napili mong pag-tripan. GAGO!

Pero di nga...

I'm sorry if my stupid mouth has failed to tell you that you're AMAZING.
It could do really stupid things especially when I'm around you.
It didn't mean what it said.
It just wants you back, at least back to one, when we were still talking. =(

I just hope it's not too late.
It's gonna be hard to see you everyday and pretend to not like you, over and over and over again... T_T

i like you like you! ^_^

This time you really did it, BIG FRIGGIN TIME. :D
And I'm quite sure that this won't be just a passing fancy.
Ika nga ni SWEET: "This is it!!" >D
It's like the more "dimensions" I discover from your extraordinary personality (not to mention your ever-so-sensationalized SEXUALITY!), the more convinced I am that you truly are ONE of a KIND. And come to think of it, you really are ONLY HUMAN.
And I don't friggin care what others think and presume you are. What do they care, really??

Alam ko namang KORNI ka, pero at least may SENSE of HUMOR ka diba? :D
Alam ko ring minsan O.A. ka up to the point na nilaladlad mo na ang iyong TRUE COLORS, pero at least GENUINE ka diba? :D
Minsan di ko rin maintindihan kung ano ka nga ba talaga, pero in fairness, meron ka nung tinatawag nilang "ANDROGYNY" kasi you're in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides. "O di ba?" :D
Minsan din ay nami-misinterpret ng iba ang actions mo, pero alam naming mga nakakakilala sayo na talagang CONCERNED ka lang naman talaga diba? =)
And lastly, kung wala ka nito, di ko na alam kung magkakaroon pa kaya ako ng sinasabi nilang IDOL-SLASH-ROLE-MODEL COMPLEX towards you. (Hah, tim nawung! =p)

You are a GEEK at heart. And yet, ang simple mong mag-isip. At dahil dun, I don't just like you.
I LIKE YOU LIKE YOU! ^_^

Hoy bakla! Hindi kita crush noh! Chura! :p

Balit, seriously...
PLEASE NEVER, EVER CHANGE.

Because someone as UNIQUE as you is truly one of God's most precious MIRACLES.
You don't just inspire me; you elicit change deep within me like an "immovable force" that's bound to stay for the rest of my days. :)

THANK YOU.
For everything. :D

as if...

I fear that the more we get to see each other, the more reasons there will be for you to realize that I'm a mere CRAP.
I fear that the next time we do "see" each other again, I'd run out of things to say and then all over again, it would seem like I'm the one who's ignoring you.
I fear that this "friendship" would slowly end in oblivion and then the once wacky conversations that we had would end up in awkward bullness.

I want to be with you but I'm just too afraid to even say yes.

I fear a lot of things, one of which is the fear of crying like shit all over again.
The fear of being said the most hurtful and the most hopeful things at the same time.
Of being left with pitiable shittyness the moment you lose all hope.
The fear that the feeling of being in love would swallow me whole and envelop me like some semi-permeable membrane, allowing the passage of one and only one type of substance: YOU.

Daydreaming.
Ranting.
Waiting...

That's all I could ever do.
Blame me all you want, but it still won't change the fact that we can't be together, at least not in a zillion years.
There's nothing left to do, really.
But recount our never-ending love chase, pretend to still be in it, as if it were a love story that actually existed...